Farm unfiltered No4 - the realities of farming, getting close to quitting and what I've learnt

Firstly sorry this is a little late. I have been in a bit of a tricky headspace recently - I feel like I say that a lot in the context of the farming lifestyle!

Losing Cowboy our male alpaca back in June and dealing with other health issues within the herd, really set us back financially (and time wise).

I also find myself in the ongoing predicament of continuing to work a second job, whilst raising my 3 beautiful daughters, trying to be a present, regulated mum and being a farmer. It is A LOT. One only has so many spoons, right? I feel like mine are all used up and I’m constantly searching frantically through the kitchen drawer to find more!  Hoping to take some time out soon in the hope that some insight will come. To be able to figure out my next step.

It’s certainly a period of re-evaluation, a re-birth of sorts - I am looking at what I want and need my life (and the kids life), to look like and whether life on the farm still fits (and what needs to change for it to fit, if it doesn’t).

It would be super sad to give up on my dream here (and I know so many others benefit from the place), but we each have to put our own oxygen masks on first right and it has to work for me. For now though, I am still here, as is Hideaway Wood Farm!

If anyone happens to know a kick ass and kind business person - who has built their own successful business (ideally a venue type business, or someone in the not for profit sector), I’d be super grateful for an introduction - I really need a mentor. I see this.

Anyway, I had promised that this email would be about some realisations that I have made since becoming a farmer and some learnings I have picked up along the way, so here goes. There are so many many more, but I have chosen 10:

1. Farming is so much more than feeding fluffy animals and posting the pics on instagram - before I started the farm, my insta feed was full of other farm accounts. I had visions of tending to the animals, children in tow, sipping cocktails in the veggie garden and making a living easily from doing something soul nourishing - this makes me chuckle now as there is SO MUCH more to it - I have navigated planning permission applications (dealing with the council, planning consultants, archaeologists, landscape experts, heritage experts, ecologists, highways + more), insurance policies, legal stuff (contacts, risks assessments etc), accounting, farming legislation, licences (to offer alpaca walks and camping), people management, herd health requirements, partnerships, stakeholder management, funding applications, marketing, tree health surveys, event management - I’ve realised it’s like running a big business, without the reward (yet) haha. The work is the same. The risk remains no matter how much money you earn.

2. I massively underestimated the overheads and investment involved in building a profitable farm - whoops! I started out investing in 9 alpacas, some fencing, a tractor, a planning application etc. This used up most of my life savings, but I thought I’d get the business going quickly. Little did I know, I’d need to produce countless reports for planning permission, that the cost of vets (rightly so) are very expensive, that alpacas eat more hay than I could’ve ever anticipated, that the fixed overheads of running a farm and things like water, feed, insurance, alpaca medicine and supplements etc are hugely costly. I had a business plan, but I didn’t realise that it would be infinitely harder than I’d anticipated to make a profit.

3. Farming is not a one family, let alone a one woman job - when we first set out, the plan was that one person would run the farm. What were we thinking?!? There’s enough work for about 15 people in an ideal world, but the income definitely isn’t there to justify that many staff. I am so glad that Jeremy Clarkson released his TV series, as people need to understand just how tricky farming is.

4. Everyone has ideas and wants to tell you how it should be done - whilst I love fresh energy, ideas etc and I am so grateful for the suggestions, at the same time, this is also tricky to navigate. Nobody else knows what you have in the pipeline, what your priorities are, what you have already considered and most importantly nobody else is doing it! Thankfully I have a trusted inner circle who see behind the scenes (and whose input I appreciate and respect no end), but responding to unsolicited advice that comes thick and fast from people without farming backgrounds, is sometimes, draining, and I am trying to navigate it with grace and politeness etc.  I recognise this is also about me, that there’s a little insecurity here perhaps. It has also been a learning in terms of how I engage with people with small businesses.

5. It has been an unexpected lesson in self worth and boundaries - my goodness this one is huge! I used to let people use the farm for free. Because they were doing important work. I used to let events run over time, because people were having a good time. I used to undersell the work we do and offer massive discounts. And then I fell into a burnout spiral. I realised everyone else was getting to enjoy the place, except me (a slightly extreme statement, but you hopefully get my drift). I finally had to draw a line in the sand and start speaking up. I am sorry if you have witnessed me trying to learn the art of boundaries and communicate in a clunky way, I hope this provides some context!

6. Accepting help is reciprocal - people are so bloody kind and want to help. I used to feel so bad having people help me and I rarely asked for help. I felt like I was taking advantage of people. I now see that this work benefits so many, including me (when I am outside doing itand feeling balanced). So many people have said that helping out on our Wednesday volunteer day is the highlight of their week. That they get so much from it. I love you all! Thanks for teaching me this lesson.

7. Having a purpose has given my life so much more meaning - whilst I had career before, it didn’t necessarily  feel purposeful, it didn’t have the same meaning that the farm does. Providing unique experiences to people, seeing people connect with nature and the animals, knowing I am (in a small way) making a difference gives life so much meaning.

8. You find your people - I don’t know what it is, but the right people have entered my life at the right time and I have made friends for life through the farm. Friends I could call in the middle of the night. Friends who I know would step in and run the farm if I couldn’t. Friends who love my kids and who my kids love. I didn’t know this was possible at 40.

9. If I’d have invested in one thing / person earlier on it would’ve been a virtual assistant. Thank god for Carly for helping me to get our farm admin in order so I could finally step off the never ending admin rollercoaster and focus on making money. I love you. How you also double up as yoga teacher, herd manager, emotional support wife, I don’t know.

10. Poo picking blisters last a lifetime and I wish I’d worn gloves in the early days 🤣