Farm unfiltered No2 - on balance, being an anomaly and joyful acceptance of that

I went to visit a friend recently for Spring Equinox - he‘s also living on some beautiful land, in the South of England. We decided to hold a little impromptu spring Equinox blessing. Picking some flowers from the garden (asking permission from the land first), hiking to a beautiful little spot with a rock believed to be a Druid sun altar, saying some prayers, connecting to the spirit of the land and taking a moment to be grateful. This is something I also do on the land here from time to time. Usually alone (I find it a deeply personal thing), but occasionally with others. It feels important to mark the changing seasons - of life and nature, to give thanks to this space, to remember how people would’ve connected to nature many moons ago.

It was really nice to spend time with someone similar(ish) to me - he’s also escaped city life for a more simple, nature connected life, growing food and tending to the land. He’s driven and pragmatic, but a little bit of a mystical hippy. Our time together reminded me that I don’t always ‘fit’ in this world and that’s ok. It was refreshing to laugh with someone who gets it. It also reminded me that I am finally becoming OK with this! Also grateful for other brilliant, unique friends who remind me of this too.

I’m a farmer and a mother, but also a trained lawyer. Up until a few months ago, I was still working in an office environment and juggling farming - at times, I felt like I was hiding parts of myself and trying to squish myself into a box. I was also massively burnt out! At the back end of last year I was sent a clear message that I just can’t keep working the way I have been anymore (I may share more on this when I’m ready), so I took some time off, to reset.

As part of that process, I came to the conclusion that to continue growing the farm, building my dream and to have enough money to provide for my kids, for now, I need to keep doing a little bit of legal work here and there.

However, this time I am doing it on my terms, with much more clarity. No more offices, no more strategy days, no more high heels, no more international work trips away from my kids. No more fitting neatly in boxes. Thankfully I’m slowly finding clients who get that and me and I’m very grateful! So, If you need any legal support from an unconventional lawyer in wellies, do get in touch 😉

Through this process, i’ve also discovered that there are other areas of my life where I don’t always fit neatly in a box/group/type (and nor do I need to, I’m learning to accept where I’m at):

• my kids have experienced off grid / farm life for many years now - they are happy covered in mud and immersed in nature, largely living outside ‘the system’, BUT…. they are also in mainstream eduction. Ironically, I run home ed days, but don't home ed. it wouldn't work for us. This felt weird initially, but now it feels ok.

• our favourite family meal is wild stinging nettle and hogweed (foraged from the land) pasta, but we also eat store bought pizza and chocolate sometimes (plus loads of marshmallows) 🤣.

• we have plenty of outside screen free time, but we also have disproportionately large TV in our cabin (it’s stupid for the space!) for movie nights and snuggles.

• I’m trying to use my phone much less, but I am also very grateful for (and partial to) doom scrolling instagram (particularly to learn about self development, farming & self sufficiency) AND also grateful for meeting one of my now closest friends and herd manager Carly there.

• our alpacas aren’t show winners (they are of the quality that I could afford to buy, with my hard earned life savings, to be able to live this life), but I love them. This means that I don’t fit into the alpaca show scene either (nor do I really want to).

The list goes on, and do you know what, I realise I’ve always kind of been like this! For years I saw this type of stuff as me not fitting in, not really belonging, beating myself up for not ‘doing better’, but I see now I belong exactly where I am, at any given time.

I’m finally learning to feel content with sitting between different worlds. To not fit neatly in a box. I don’t have to pick a team. I can just be uniquely me, sitting comfortably somewhere on a continuum appreciating different perspectives. Seeing the beauty of that, not judging, or comparing. Just learning.

And it feels so good! To finally see and say this. One day the pendulum may swing in a different direction, who knows, but right now, I’m here and day by day, becoming more comfortable with that.

Amy x

PS forgive any typos or shitty grammar. Balance, eh. I'm no longer here to be perfect.